The day I should have realised I was done for

I was just going through my emails trying to reconcile payments between me and a friend when I stumbled upon this email I sent in another lifetime:

From: Rudolph van Graan <rvg@ex-company>

Subject: Precipice
Date: 17 August 2010 13:51:53 GMT+01:00
To: <Narcissist>, <Friend whom I miss>

I have entered a major depressive cycle after Thursday's meeting. My ability to be resilient and deal with pressure is severely compromised. I simply don't have the energy to deal with <ex-employee 1> and <ex-project 1> and <ex-project 2> and a sick <ex-employee 2> and <ex-employee 3> at the moment. I simply can't. 

(to) <Narcissist> - I am sorry, but I have to take sick leave now, I am going mad. I cannot go to <random country> tomorrow.

I remember getting in the company car shortly after this - in tears - and driving home. It felt awful. I stopped somewhere under a bridge on the N1 and screamed and screamed. I got to Erna's house and went down to the bedroom and just fell on the bed shivering. I think it was my first ever panic attack. 

Honestly I can't remember what happened on the Thursday. I can see a lot of emails about <ex-project 1> and some from the customer screaming about <ex-project 2>. Ah... and then I found this beauty:

From: <Narcissist>

To: Rudolph van Graan, <Friend whom I miss>

Dear Rudolph and <Friend whom I miss>

I need an urgent Directors meeting at <time and location>. Please let me know if this is ok for both your diaries. I have a <another time> with <ex-customer> in <somewhere> with an <something>, so I need to leave by 3.30 pm

Thanks

<Narcissist>

I think it was about me not delivering on my commitments as usual and there was a lot of screaming involved.  Needless to say, it drove me nuts over the subsequent weekend so much so that by the 17th I was shattered.
I should have realised that I went over the burnout threshold then. It wasn't because I was a bad person or that I didn't want to meet my commitments, but because I had to manhandle 4 or 5 projects while some people could leave the office by 3.30 pm. My last mails in the previous week went out on average 22:30 and sometimes as late as 23:30.